Thursday, April 11, 2013

Top Stories

Top Stories
Charlie Munsen, the infamous cult leader and murderer, is scheduled for parole at the end of this month and our network is considering him as a replacement for our current late night talk show host. We think he is a good candidate for the job because he is already famous and we appreciate how he only stabs people in the front. Munsen has repented for his crimes and says that he thinks of us all as his family.

The financial giant, Mobile Mortgage, has released a statement in response to the public outcry over its repossession of thousands of homes in the last week. They say it's your own fault for believing their bullshit.

And in sports, the Tasmanian Devils drowned the Mongolian Mongols in underwater cardboard tube dueling this afternoon in front of a hungry school of tropical fish. They credited their enormous lungs over their soggy weapons for the victory.
  
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